A Formula for Finding the Best Food, Anywhere & The Best BBQ in Missouri

“A hundred thousand years ago, there were people who stayed by the campfire and people who wandered. I'm pretty sure I'm a direct descendant of the wandering type.” -Jack Reacher

  I am not a tourist. At least, I try not to be. In my mind, the label “tourist" is a dirty, dirty word. I like to think of myself as an ever-curious explorer, but I realize that label sounds a little pretentious. So, I usually settle for being labeled an incurable wanderer. Whichever moniker is more appropriate, I’ll leave for others to decide. The point is, I haven’t stayed in one place, for very long, and I doubt that I ever will….

Whenever I travel to a new destination, my root desire is to get a feel for the culture of the place, and the people that call that area their permanent home. So, I make it a point to find a local, someone born and raised in the area. After I introduce myself, I ask a series of two simple, but significant questions. The questions are usually some form of: If you had to leave this place forever, and were given a chance to do one last activity, or experience something, one last time, that’s unique to this area, what would you want to do? I usually follow up that question with several questions like why, and what is it that makes it the most special, and when is the best time to go, etc. Another question, I always ask: If all the restaurants had to close, but one, which local restaurant would you save? You could say that I’m a bit of a food snob, after all, I didn’t get my girlish figure by accident! I learned to cook early in life, and I cook almost everything from scratch, because I believe that life is far too short to eat mediocre and unhealthy food! And I have learned, by sad experience, that this restaurant recommendation question can be risky. I think some people were born without taste buds, or they never tried to develop them.  Either way, it’s absolutely vital to be discerning, sober, and selective in choosing the local to ask these important questions. Not everyone understands what constitutes good food, or what makes an important cultural experience. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. Choose wisely.

Anyway, that was exactly the set of questions that I posed to two separate locals, while visiting Branson, Missouri over the weekend. Branson is not the kind of place I usually visit, or am interested in. It’s a place designed for entertainment, and built for tourists. But I had some business that could only be done in Branson, so we made a weekend out of it. As far as geographical makeup, Branson is an interesting town; set in the rolling Ozarks, covered densely in hardwood trees, with a meandering river running through the town, it’s beautiful. And, with a population of approximately twelve thousand permanent residents spread widely among the numerous hills and valleys, it’s not a largely peopled town. But my list of recommendations almost ends there. Driving down the main strip, there seems to be as many hotels as permanent residents. There are also countless, garishly colored billboards, shops, and attractions vying for your attention. It reminds me of a strange and small cloying attention-starved, crossbred child of Las Vegas, Daytona Beach, and Atlantic City, with a distinctly chintzy urban cowboy flare. There are shops located all around the town, offering discount tickets for the countless and varied shows and attractions. I imagine in the height of the season, Spring and Summer, Branson is crowded, hectic, and hopping. But we were there in the off-season. Much of the town, including shops, attractions, shows and restaurants are closed. I imagine that there’s simply not enough visitors to justify the operating costs of keeping doors open, year-round. Our hotel was practically vacant, and fairly inexpensive. We had the unheated indoor pool to ourselves. It was refreshing, to say the least! But the two youngest, were determined, and apparently oblivious, and they swam for many hours.  The atmosphere in town felt like one big exhale, like a brightly lit, but worn out venue, desperately in need of a long  nap. The upside, the locals that were working in the remaining shops and restaurants and venues were relaxed, friendly, and altogether talkative and pleasant. If for nothing else, I would go back to Branson, to enjoy the warmth, hospitality, and sociality of the people there. I would also make the long journey, to eat at one restaurant, again. 

On a side note, in my nearly four years of living in the Kansas City area, I have been on a quest: to find the great, amazing barbeque that's supposed to be here. My standards are perhaps high. I was introduced to great barbeque, when I lived, and served as a missionary in East Texas. In the two years that I lived there, I gained 90 pounds. Good food is a love language, to the beautiful people of East Texas. I never went hungry. Concerned, if not myopic people would look at me and say, “I bet you haven’t had brisket!?” and I always answered honestly, “No ma'am/ sir! I haven’t (not for a few hours, at least…). They are passionate about food in East Texas, and amazing food is absolutely endemic there, and at the center is love, Tex-Mex,  homebuilt pit smokers, and life altering barbeque. You know you’re in a good food area, when certain foods are a cultural imperative. For instance, on New Year's day, perfect strangers would see us walking down the street, and pull over to ask, “Happy New Year! Have y’all had your brisket, cornbread, black eyed peas, and collard greens, yet? You gotta start the year off right!” To this day, I equate New Year's day with those foods. The two years I spent in East Texas, was an enjoyable taste bud and gastronomic awakening! So now, you may begin to understand why I say that for nearly four years, I have been on a quest in Kansas City. I have literally dragged my little family to every recommended, famous, and obscure barbeque joint in the area. Our first stop was the famous Arthur Bryant's, and continues to this day, mostly in disappointment…. If you’re ever in the KC area, let me save you a little time,  money, and effort: The best barbeque place I have found, thus far, and the only one I have returned to, with family and dear friends, is Slap's BBQ. It’s pretty good, and consistent. But, as good as it is, I can find better BBQ in gas stations, all over East Texas, and at least one gas station in South Carolina (though I think Roy’s Grille is no longer in a gas station… If you find it, you’ll thank me later! And tell Chris, I sent you ;). So, what does this have to do with the best BBQ in Missouri, I hear you demanding. The best barbeque I have had in Missouri isn't in the KC area. The best BBQ I’ve had in Missouri, is in Branson.

  I’m developing a hypothesis. There have been two distinct occasions that we’ve had a Russian waiter, and been surprised by amazing food. The first time was when we went to Boston, for the weekend of the 4th of July. After spending several days there and enjoying the 4th of July festivities, we wanted a break from the shoulder to shoulder crowds in Boston, so we hopped in our car and took a leisurely drive down the Coast, to Cape Cod. One of my favorite Bing Crosby songs, is “Old Cape Cod”, and we wanted to try some lobster stew. We got hungry on the way, singing the song, so when we arrived in Cape Cod, we approached a few locals and questioned them about their favorite restaurant. In the Bible, in New Testament, 2 Corinthians 13:1, Paul instructs: “...In the mouth of two or three witnesses shall every word be established.” After querying two separate groups of locals about the one restaurant they would keep, if they could only have one, they both responded, emphatically,  “The Black Cat Tavern”. In fact, one gentleman was so ardent about his recommendation, that he offered to pay our tab, if we found the food to be anything less than amazing. Long story, short: Paul’s formula for determining truth, was again proved right! And the gentleman didn’t have to pick up our tab. The food at The Black Cat Tavern is amazing! The lobster rolls there are worth the trip, alone. But beware, timing is essential, as it’s a seasonal restaurant, and closed in Winter. Anyway, it was a wholly unexpected surprise. And, what made our meal even more enjoyable, was our waiter, Ivan. He was a longtime import from Russia, and one of the most attentive, conscientious, and sociable waiters I’ve ever had. I felt no hesitation in offering a generous gratuity. Cape Cod to Branson, Missouri seems an odd correlation, but there are three factors that are correlative: a great Russian waiter, two emphatic recommendations from two completely separate locals, and unexpectedly amazing food.

 

Gettin' Basted, isn’t a typical building on “The Strip”. Most of the buildings on Highway 76, or Country Boulevard, in Branson, are set as close to the roadway as possible, designed with an extremely theatrical architectural flair, ultra brightly colored, designed to catch the eye, and invoke interest. Gettin' Basted, is atypically set back off the strip, a bit. The building is painted in muted rust and black, to its credit, it doesn’t assault the retinas, but stands solidly as a relatively plain building. The one concession, their name Gettin' Basted, is set in a bold white colored font across the front of the building, with a pink cartoon pig head between the two words. In reflection, it’s as if they understand that, “Not all that glitters is gold”, so like every great restaurant, they focus on quality of food and service, rather than trying to distract from their lack, with frippery.  The wise understand, this type of approach is a much better foundation for thriving and remaining in the food service market. 

If we had time and the capacity, I would like to have tested the menu to see if there were any weak offerings, because everything we ordered, from the pulled pork nachos, to the hatch green chile burgers, to the brisket Burnt Ends, and to the massive, messy, and delectable mOink burger, and our amazing Russian waiter, Alex, everything was awesome. I can’t recommend Gettin' Basted, enough. If it weren’t a nearly four hour drive from where I live, I would return immediately. For all of the propaganda about great BBQ in KC, the best BBQ I have found in Missouri, is in unexpected Branson. The best part of being a chronic adventure seeking wanderer, is occasionally, you find people, and a place that makes you want to return.